In exactly one week, Spencer will be one! Just like that? I do not even know where this time has gone and truthfully I am in denial that I had him almost a year ago.
I remember the night before he was born so clearly. I packed a suitcase, yes a very big suitcase completely stuffed! I am an anxious person who always likes to plan in advance for things that may or may not happen, so I packed quite a bit. I do not know how you could just bring a bag! I was induced and knew by the next day that I would be finally meeting my baby.
All we ever wished for, was for a healthy baby. We did not find out the sex of the baby and there were so many times where I was ready to give in! However, the surprise was well worth the wait.
Honestly, when I first saw Spencer’s face I felt such a mix of emotions. My thoughts were: ‘who does he look like?’, ‘I am so in love’, ‘why does he have all these milia’s on his nose?’, ‘I made him’ and ‘my life will never be the same’. I was now a mother and now that the baby was earth side – reality hit. This tiny little human is half of me and half of the person I love, so I felt an enormous responsibility come over me to take care of him. I also thrive on making others happy, so i just wanted to make him so happy.
I was amazed at how besotted my husband and I were towards Spencer, especially since all he did was sleep and eat. Even though we were told to sleep when the baby does, we often found ourselves just staring at him. It was the strongest love we have ever felt and till this day we are still amazed that we made him!
These past 12 months, we have had lots of ups and downs. My greatest struggle was with breastfeeding. I felt enormous pressure to be able to master it. Something so natural, simple and easy for other mums, did not come easily for me. I will save this story for another post though. There have been so many more positives than negatives in our journey. Like the first time Spencer recognised our faces, smiled, giggled, crawled, stood up, put his arms out for us to carry him, said our names and danced. There is so much more to look forward to as well such as when he will give us a kiss, ask for a hug, be able to put together words, speak and hold our hands.
I have never learnt as much in my life as the past 12 months.
Spencer, I thank you for choosing me to be your mother. I will never take you for granted and seeing you grow has been my greatest joy. It is my privilege being there for you, even in the early mornings when my eyes are pink. You are such a mini-daddy. Thank you my little boo.